Why Encouragement is Better than Praise
Foster Self-Love and Unbreakable Confidence in Children Through the Power of Islamic Tarbiya
Praise and encouragement are often perceived as positive ways to acknowledge someone's accomplishments, nurturing their self-love and confidence. However, when faced with the choice between praise and encouragement, which should you opt for? Although praise and encouragement frequently go hand in hand, their implications diverge significantly.
Insha’a Allah, this blog post will help you understand the distinctions between praise and encouragement and provide practical examples of each in real-life scenarios. By adopting an effective Islamic approach, we aim to foster self-love and unbreakable confidence in children through Islamic Tarbiya.
1. How Praise and Encouragement Work Differently
Although the notions of praise and encouragement may appear similar at first, their effects on the soul are markedly different. We must be conscious not only of the words we utter but the profound meaning they carry. By doing so, we follow the example of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), who was known for his eloquence and wisdom in choosing the right words to inspire and motivate.
Praise: A Temporary Boost
Consider the example of a child who excels in their studies and achieves a high grade. As parents, our natural inclination is to express our delight and pride in their accomplishment. We may exclaim, "Masha'Allah! You have done an exceptional job, you are truly a shining star, and I am so proud of you." While such words of praise are certainly permissible and can bring a sense of satisfaction to the child, they may not necessarily inspire them to strive for continued excellence in the future.
Encouragement: A Lasting Impact
In contrast, encouragement seeks to empower the individual by focusing on their efforts and personal growth. By recognizing the hard work and dedication that led to their success, we instill in them a drive for self-improvement and a desire to achieve even greater heights. We might say, "Alhamdulillah, your dedication and perseverance have brought you this success. May Allah (SWT) continue to bless your efforts and guide you on the path of knowledge and wisdom."
2. The Importance of Encouragement in Parenting
Although the notions of praise and encouragement may appear similar at first, their effects on the soul are markedly different. We must be conscious not only of the words we utter but the profound meaning they carry. By doing so, we follow the example of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), who was known for his eloquence and wisdom in choosing the right words to inspire and motivate.
The Power of Reflection and Self-Evaluation
Reflection and self-evaluation are crucial aspects of an individual's personality development. Without introspection and self-assessment, we cannot fully understand our strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement. Encouragement nurtures self-awareness and fosters the courage to confront one's shortcomings and be self-critical.
Dealing with Criticism
Learning to cope with criticism is essential for personal growth. Encouragement, rather than praise, is the key to teaching children how to handle criticism from a young age. Instead of merely telling them they are amazing, acknowledge their hard work, progress, and effort. This approach cultivates resilience and a desire to develop into the best version of themselves.
Progression Over Perfection
When raising children, it is essential to prioritize progression over perfection. As humans, we are naturally imperfect and prone to making mistakes. However, an excessive focus on perfection can cause mental health issues. Praise may inadvertently push a child towards perfectionism, diminishing their risk-taking ability and making them overly reliant on favorable outcomes. In contrast, encouragement emphasizes progress and constant improvement, nurturing a child's growth mindset.
“Every star shines a little Differently.”
3. Praise vs. Encouragement: Key Differences
The Nature of Feedback
Praise focuses on the outcome, whereas encouragement emphasizes the journey and process. For instance, praising a child's artwork is an example of praise, while asking them about the techniques they used and the effort they put into creating the piece exemplifies encouragement.
Fostering Decision-Making and Acceptance
Encouragement promotes meaningful experiences, decision-making, and acceptance, while praise revolves around right and wrong outcomes, good and bad decisions, and pride and disappointment.
4. Real-life Examples of Praise vs Encouragement
Example 1
Praise: “Masha'Allah, you're the best reciter of the Quran in your class."
Encouragement: “Masha'Allah, I see the effort you put into reciting the Quran with proper tajweed. Your dedication and persistence in learning will, Insha'Allah, bring you closer to Allah."
Example 2
Praise: “Alhamdulillah, you're such a generous person for donating to charity."
Encouragement: “Alhamdulillah, it's heartwarming to see you using your resources to help others in need. May Allah reward you for your kindness and continue to guide you on the path of generosity."
Example 3
Praise: “Subhan'Allah, you have memorized so many Hadiths, you must be very intelligent."
Encouragement: “Subhan'Allah, your commitment to memorizing and understanding the Hadiths shows your dedication to seeking Islamic knowledge. May Allah grant you wisdom and increase your understanding of the teachings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)."
Example 4
Praise: “Masha'Allah, you're such a wonderful parent; your children are always well-behaved."
Encouragement: “Masha'Allah, I see the time and effort you invest in your children's Islamic upbringing and character development. May Allah reward your dedication and help you continue nurturing them with love, understanding, and patience."
Example 4
Praise: “Alhamdulillah, you are always the first to volunteer for community events."
Encouragement: “Alhamdulillah, your willingness to serve the community and contribute to its growth is truly inspiring. May Allah bless your efforts and help you continue making a positive impact on those around you."
5. An Islamic Perspective on Encouragement
Encourage the Act, Not the Doer
Islam offers comprehensive guidance on child-rearing, emphasizing the importance of encouragement. In the debate between praise and encouragement, Islamic teachings advise focusing on the act rather than the doer. It is crucial to appreciate your child's achievements in a specific context and timeframe, ensuring they understand the implications of being commended.
Avoid Comparisons and Foster Humility
An important part of positive parenting is to avoid comparing our children with others. Encourage your child to seek Allah's pleasure, fostering a sense of humility and groundedness. Motivate them to perform good deeds frequently, not merely for praise or applause. Our religion also advises against exaggeration when praising others.
6. Transitioning from Praise to Encouragement
Mindful Appreciation
Parents and educators should be aware of the language they use when appreciating their children. Different children interpret words of recognition differently. Reflect on three recent statements you used to commend your child, and then determine whether they fall under the category of praise or encouragement. Consider the following questions:
Am I promoting self-evaluation or dependence in my child?
Am I being respectful or patronizing towards my little one?
Am I focusing on my perspective or considering my child's point of view as well?
Can I use these statements for my spouse or friends?
These questions can guide you in making your comments more effective and encouraging.
Shift the Focus
Another approach to transitioning from praise to encouragement is to concentrate on effort, enjoyment, improvement, contribution, learning, experiences, and confidence. By doing so, your appreciation becomes more neutral and balanced.
7. Conclusion
Awareness is the key to nurturing self-love and unbreakable confidence in children. People of all ages—from toddlers to adults—require praise and encouragement. It is human nature to crave acknowledgment, whether through kind gestures or words of encouragement. The crucial factor is using words wisely to contribute to the lifelong emotional and social development of those around you.
By understanding the differences between praise and encouragement and implementing Islamic principles in child-rearing, parents can foster self-love and unshakable confidence in their children. Embrace the power of encouragement and Islamic Tarbiya to guide your child towards a life of resilience, self-awareness, and continuous growth.
8. Next Steps-Continue the Journey of Learning
To learn more on the topic of Praise vs Encouragement, watch the following Tarbiya Coaching Episode on our YouTube channel.
Continue to enrich your parenting with deeper knowledge on Islamic Tarbiya, follow our YouTube channel for more than 50 videos dedicated to Islamic Tarbiya.